What a difference 3 years makes... That's how long it's been since I've looked at blog... I have new friends, a new job (I've had several actually) and a lovely fairly new home. When I started this blog I mentioned some of the people I found inspiring in my life, that list has definately changed and I feel priveliged to have some pretty amazing people in my life. So a quick list of bullet points of lessons I've learned over the last 3 years...

- sometimes the person you need most of all in your life is the one you need to say goodbye to to follow your dreams.

- to stop thinking and to just do

- who my REAL friends are

- never judge a book by its cover

- Kylie Minogue puts on an awesome show

- its possible to love musical theatre as well as other genres

- to be brave and resilient no matter what's thrown at me

- Micheal Strassen is a genius and one the most amazing people I'll ever know

- appearances can be deceptive

- most importantly... To believe in myself

It's taken me a while but finally I'm doing what I want to be doing and am in a good place.

Here's to the next three years!

Silent music starts to play.....

... or at least it will on Saturday! A I write this I am sat on the coach travelling up to London for yewt another round of job interviews (please god make this the last!) and to attend the last few performances of Sunset Boulevard which closes this Saturday along with what feels l;ike half the West End!

So Sunset... Tonight marks Jessica Martin's final performace as Norma Desmond. Now personal feeling aside (ie teh fact that Jess is a lovely person who's career I intend to continue following!) her Norma is an absolute treat to see and I feel priveliged to have seen her performance waaaay too many times! I shall truely miss her Norma, jess has created a real 4D character who you can truely get emotionally embroiled with, as do many of the other performers in this truely brilliant piece of theatre. It shall truely be a sad day onj Saturday.

Carousel tomorrow for a bit of "Alness!" (btw, quick shout out to her new "performers blog" www.halfhourcall.blogspot.com" Check it out- it's very cool and useful!)

Company Thurdsay, Have heard wonderful things about this production so far... Really looking forward to seeing some LIVE Sondiem.... Have beena huge fan for years, but for some reason have never actually made it to any of his shows running in London so VERY excited!

Finally back to Sunset to say goodbye for the last time... Still holding out for teh tour next year!

Well more to follow later in the week! Stay tuned!

Surrender

What more can I do? I've apologised, I've seen you... but I couldn't get up the guts to talk to you. I've done the bast I can, but I still don't know if you hate me. One message or a few little words is all it would take. I wish I knew how you felt.
Being manic depressive makes it hard. YOu speak and act without thinking. Read into things you shouldn't.

Sometimes I just wish I was normal...

so long, farewell...

OK... so there's a person in my life- we'll call him D- who, although he should have been, hasn't really made the effort in my life that he should have. Tonight D made the ultimate berayal. Over the years I've forgiven and forgotten a hell of a lot- even tried to make amends and fix things. Everything that's gone wrong between the 2 of us Ive blamed myself for.... But now I'M THROUGH! I give up trying, I give up loving him and finally I give up anything to do with him. You had your chance... now I'm done. Goodbye D... forever.

As if We Never Said Goodbye...

Well, the end of another wonderful trip to London! YOu know, I'm actually starting to adjust to not living in London, although I miss actually being there all the time, goign up and down every few weeks is soooooo much fun. This trip, I stayed at Hayley's house and have honestly never drunk so much alcohol in my life! Yes, wine and cocktails were consumed in ridiculously large amounts and yes, when I returned home were also part of a quick jaunt to A&E! As well as lounging in a drunken stupour, there was plenty of theatre in the form or regular trips down on Sunset Boulevard! The first of which stared none other than the ever fabulous Jessica Martin! Now, everyone knows I LOVE Jess with a passion, and am always impressed with her Norma, but... WOW! It's only been about a month since the last time I saw her, but the changes she has implicated in the short amount of performaces she's had are amazing. Her Norma is almost like a child. At times selfish, bratty and when nessasary, increadably needy. During the final scene, I just wanted to grab her and wrap her in cotton wool! The other couple of performances I went to Kathryn had returned, but for me, she fails to really make the emotional connection Jess achieves through her acting, I love Kathryn's voice especially in her bigger numbers, but find that during some of the more low key numbers- such as Surrender- don't have that punch that makes you feel sorry for the character and that sympathy is something I think you need to understand the character.

Ok, so enough about Sunset (again!) overall I had a wonderful time, check out my facebook and Hayleys blog for the video evidence of our weekend of sunset and debauchery- although, with very little debauchery... just a lot of giggles! Oh, and a lot of random celebrity spots, including: Jessie Buckley, Lee Mead (!!!!!!), Bill Bailey and Linda Belingham (legend!)

The Greatest Star Of All

Last Friday I was lucky enough to be invited by the lovely J to the Sunset Boulevard understudy matinee and what a performance! Jessica Martin (Norma Desmond) as always gave her all and was in all the right places funny, needy, elegant and took the whole audience on an intense emotional journey and trip through Norma's muddled pchyce (sp?)

I've seen both Jessica and Kathryn Evans in the role and both are wonderful but for me Jessica takes the edge due to the wide range of emotion she envokes in her performance. Don't get me wrong, Kathryn is wonderful, has the part pretty much down to a tee and has an amazing voice, it's just for me her Norma is flatter. Jessica's voice has a raw quality that allows her to express herself emotionally through her vocals as well as with her eyes and bodylanguage. While Kathryn turns in a solid performance with a wonderful vocal I just find it harder to empathise with her. When Jessica's performing I find myself willing Joe to stay with Norma and support her instead of running off to be with Betty at every available opportunity. Her final scene leaves me in tears everytime due to the fragility she shows after she shoots Joe and how she appears to let go of the last shread of sanity she has having been betrayed and losing the one person she's allowed into her life (excluding Max!)

Right, enough of comparing the ladies- onto the rest of the cast! The entire show had an amazing atmosphere from the start. The ensemble as usual were excellent. They are always alert and following whatever happens on the stage and at times it is as entertaining to watch them as to folllow the actual story. Tomm Coles Ben was wondefully sung and gave a different softer approach to Joe at times making the audience more sympathetic towards his story. HIs chemestry with his costars is wonderful to watch. Sioned Saunders as Betty is excellent although she plays Betty with a slightly harder edge and gives the character more of a "fighting spirit" which is fantastic in her scenes with Joe. Tim Jackson's Artie is very endearing although I do think he's slightly too young for Demille but even so he still did a wonderful job. In spite of having very tough shoes to fill Craig Pinder did a fantastic job finding the right mixture of menace and compassion for Norma.

Overall the entire show was wonderful, personal highlights included:

• Surrender- always touching.




• The Lady's Paying- in my opinion the strongest part of Tim's performance




• Perfect Year- i just love this scene, seeing norma's giddy happiness at the prospect of her perfect year is a joy to watch and I enjoy the tango to!




• As If We Never Said Goodbye- not a lot I can say about this, well actually there's a lot! Firstly, this is my favourite song EVER! Jessica's delivery was perfect (except for a slight slip with the lyrics!) This song basically embodies Norma, from her fragility down to her abesolute belief that she's still loved.




• Eternal Youth is Worth A little Suffering- No matter how many times I see this show this number still appears fresh and entertaining. All the ensemble numbers are strong and energetic.




• The finale- Jessica's transformation from needy and desperate to finally snapping and giving into madness is both riveting and touching and makes me want to wrap her in cotton wool and take care of her.

So, I've finally reached the end of this epic! Hope you've enjoyed it. My advise to everyone... go see Sunset, It's not going to be here for long so make the most of it- regardless of the cast!

I am what I am

So a lot of people ask me, what's the appeal of being in London? Why do you want to live in London? Well, it seems quite simple to me. It's part of who I am. People look at me and someone who's life revolves around the theatre, but there's more to it. Yes the theatre is wonderful and yes, it's a huge part of who I am. But there's more. My favourite thing in the world id walking through Covent Garden on a Sunday morning, or going to Mr Woos for dinenr with Hayley. It's the general atmosphere the hustle and bustle in the week and the quietness of Sundays.

I love my family and I love being with them, but as soon as I get on the coach, train or whatever to come home, I feel like I'm leaving a piece of me behind. This last month or so being here has been so hard. I think that until you know who you are, you can't really understand it, the feeling it gives you knowing, this is where I belong and this is what I'm supposed to be doing. It makes me happy, and that's what matters.

I get to go back on Wednesday and the feeling that gives me is amazing, although at the same time I'm slightly scared. I cn hear a little voice in my head asking, wht if I don't get a job, what if it all goes wrong? Fingers crossed... It won't